


Tell the World I'm Coming Home

by wishingtoaworld



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2018-08-23 08:13:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 27
Words: 19,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8320534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wishingtoaworld/pseuds/wishingtoaworld
Summary: Ashlyn is coming home from Iraq and is surprising the team. She soon finds out everything that has happened while she was gone, and also the struggle of returning to civilian life.





	1. Chapter 1

Ashlyn Harris most people know her as the back up goal keeper for the national team, that disappeared 5 years ago. 

In reality she left professional soccer and joined something she has wanted to do since she was in high school.

Join the US Army. 

For the past two years she has been over in Iraq With her K-9 Cujo finding IEDs. 

Her friends Expecally Kelley have been really supportive of her. She would always find a care package from the team at least once every three months. 

The girls found out quickly to send colored pencils instead of crayons. They found out when the crayons they sent melted into a giant black mess. 

Ashlyn's teammates thought she had another 3 months over in Iraq before she came home what they didn't know was that her and Cujo were going to surprise them during half time tonight at the game. 

The only person that knew she was coming was Jill.  
_______  
Ashlyn ~ "Fixing to get on the plane I should be landing around 3pm" 

Jill ~ "Okay I will be there personally to pick you up and then we will drive to the stadium. Have a safe flight and I can't wait to see you." 

I put my phone away looking at Cujo happy that he is sitting on the plane with me because I'm not quite sure if I would survive the whole plane ride without him. 

I couldn't wait to see the whole team... and I really can't wait to see Kelley. 

I will admit I have had a crush on her since I left for basic four years ago. And the Two years I was stationed, with every care package the girls sent Kelley always sent a note and I have kept every single one of them.

"Flight 4285 to New York is now boarding." said the oh so amused desk worker. 

"Gonna be a good boy on this flight Cujo?" I said cooing at him. he looked back at me with his chocolate brown eyes that I could resist.

With that we stood up and got ready to board the plane

_______  
As soon as I landed I sent Jill and quick message and then let everyone else get off the plane before I attempted to.

As I walked up to the meeting area in my uniform I see Jill smiling like she just got the best Christmas present.

"Oh my Ashlyn I am so happy to see you!" Jill says in her British accent.

As she says that I hear Cujo kinda growl and look stand offish. 

"Cujo stand down she is okay. And oh Jill it is so nice to see ya" I said 

"You ready for this" she said looking at me.

I let a big deep breath out and shook my head laughing "As ready as I'll ever be."

______  
The first half just ended and they were killing it 3-0 against China. 

The announcer spoke "ladies and gentlemen I would gladly ask everyone please stay seated and be as quite as possible, and look up to the big screen for a little message."

The lights dimmed so no one could see me and Cujo walking out of the tunnel. 

~Video~

"Hey girls I'm sorry I couldn't be there tonight I wish I could. Me and Cujo will be home in a short three months but in that time I wanted to tell you Baby Horse I know you can run faster than that, KO you can defend much better than what I am seeing and oh gosh Solo is that grey hair I see, you getting old grandma. I love you guys so much. I also have a surprise for you guys so turn around.

~Video end~

The announcer came back on. "Ladies and gentlemen I would like to welcome home Sgt. Ashlyn Harris and her K-9 Cujo who just came home today from a two year tour searching IEDs in Iraq." 

As the announcer says that me and Cujo walks out to the middle of the field and I see the whole team just standing there in shock. 

Kelley is the first one to to come to it and then all of a sudden I here "Ashy you're home!!" coming from her mouth as she is sprinting to the middle of the field with the team in tow. 

The next thing I know I am in the biggest bear hug, and the crowd going wild. 

All of a sudden I am pulled into a hug to see it is Kelley. "Are you home for a while." she says with tears. "yes I'm home for a while squirrel." I said hugging her tightly.


	2. Chapter two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So y'all wanted to Me continue so I am. Here is the second chapter

The game ended with the US crushing China with a score of 6-0.

As they got done shaking other players hands and even some of the Chineese players coming up to me and welcoming me back, Carli walks up to me and gives me a hug. 

"You're coming to dinner with us," she says looking at me dead in the eye. 

"I wouldn't miss it in the world," I said smiling. "Only request is that I am able to bring Cujo with me." 

"He really is attached to your hip isn't he," Carli said looking down smiling at Cujo.

"He has been with me through thick and thin and right beside me these last two years. A dog is really a man's best friend." I said getting up. 

_____  
Dinner was amazing. Have a steak oh god, it was way better than the MREs (Meals ready to eat).

As we got off the bus Kelley pulls me to the side and asked me where I was staying. 

"Well I heard that one of you guys have an open bed, so I am rooming with Carli." I said.

"Well we are having a movie night in mine and Pinoe's room so get your shit situated in what is now your room and then get your ass into my room," Kelley said to me getting increasingly impatient.

"Ma'am yes ma'am," I stated laughing.

_____  
As I walked into Kelley and Megan's room with Cujo I hear the girls arguing over "She's the Man, and The Jungle Book."

"Jungle book!" Kelley screams at Tobin 

"No! She's The Man!" Tobin yells louder.

Getting tired of the yelling I get up and boom "Kelley, Tobin pick a number between 1 and 15!"

With me saying that the whole group in in the room shuts up and Cujo is sitting up in attention like I'm fixing to give him a command.

I hear Tobin Sutter out 6 and Kelley speaking a little louder 14. 

"My number was 10. Tobin wins. Sorry Kell." I say looking at her pouting like a 5 year old. 

_____  
We turn on "She's the Man" and Cujo is wrapped on one side of me and Kelley slowly getting closer.

By the end of the movie Kelley was wrapped up into my other side slightly snoring. As everyone gets up to leave I slowly get up getting Kelley situated into her bed. 

As I tucked her in a see the squirrel I gave her right before I left. 

"She has this with her?, I asked Megan.

"She has taken it with her everywhere we go and has slept with it every night since you gave it to her the week before you left." Megan replied.

"Wow," I said in disbelief.

"She has also been counting down the days til you came back also." Megan said "When you showed up tonight and her face lit up that was the happiest I've seen her in the longest time." 

" She missed me that much?" I asked shocked.

"You have no idea, how much she missed you. The first couple of weeks she cried herself to sleep, because she already ready for you to come home." Megan said looking at me. 

"wow. Well I need to get to bed because this time change is shit," I said laughing.

 

_____  
As I got to my room I walked in slowing with Cujo telling him to be quite as I creaked the door open. 

I saw that Carli was asleep so I walked in a told Cujo to go lay on the bed while I got everything adjusted. 

As I got out of my uniform into something way more comfortable, I take out the bottle that has been helping me sleep for a few months. 

I quickly take the pill fat, and then slide and hide the bottle back into my bag making sure it doesn't get found.

Let's see how much sleep I get my first night back into the US.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give me feedback about how I am doing and Tell me what y'all would like to see.
> 
> So. Make sure to comment and Leave some Kudos!


	3. Chapter three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I should be doing my French and Algebra II homework but I am writing this so enjoy!

Me and Cujo were just doing our rounds on the gound making sure everything was okay. All of the sudden I see something explode a 100 yards infront of me and Cujo and by this time I have started to run. 

As I turn around to look behind me I see a car coming up towards me fast. I try to grab my radio when I'm suddenly thrown to the ground by someone. 

I see Cujo looking at me waiting for my command to attack. Insted I yell "go on find help!"

As I say this and he runs off, I unexpectedly get knocked in the side of the head with a rifle. As I get knocked in the head my vision beings to blur and I'm starting to see black spots 

As I drift off into the darkness I wonder if I'll ever see Cujo or Kelley again..

_____

"Ashlyn...Ashlyn...Ashlyn!" I hear as I am also being shaken.

jolt up in my bed cover in sweat. 

"Did I wake you up Carli I'm sorry, if you don't want to room with me I'm totally cool.."

"shut up Ashlyn,"she says seriously. "All I want to know if you are okay? You were yelling in your dream and I was worried." 

"yeah, yeah. I'm totally fine." I said lying to her face. "I'm sorry for waking you. Ill see you in the morning."

She looks at me as she stands near the lamp. " just know if you need anything I'm here and I wont tell Kelley."

"thank you." I say doing a small smile. 

With that I lay back in in the hotel bed hoping that I'll be able to go back to sleep and if I do fall asleep no more dream. 

_____

When I wake up in the morning I notice a letter on my face,

"went to breakfast down in the meeting hall, when you wake up come down with Cujo."  ~Carli~

I slowly got up and put on a muscle shirt and some baseball shorts with some Nikes, then put Cujo in his harness and slowly make my way to the elevators.

As I wait for the elevator I start thinking about last night. "does Carli know what's happening? Is she really not going to tell Kelley? Even worse is she going to tell Christie, Abby or Jill?"

By this time I have gotten myself so anxious and nervous I decided to take the 12 flights down to the lobby instead of waiting for the elevator.

As me and Cujo walked in I see Kelley talking to Tobin, Christen, and Julie.

I grab my food and get an extra plate for Cujo and walk over to this table, "Hey guys can I sit here?" all of the sudden getting really nervous. 

"Yeah dude go ahead!" says tobin grining ear to ear. 

I set my plate down and the reach into my backpack to grab Cujo's food. Yummy dog food and some steak with some peaches and other fruits mixed into it. 

Kelley looks down at what Cujo is eatting. "Damn that dog gets to eat better than me."

Without missing a beat I shot back "Well maybe it's because he does more than you."

"You know sometimes I hate you Harris." she said "No you don't squirrel, you love me more than you hate me," I said grining. 

"whatever just shut up Harris and eat," she said looking like a pouting puppy. 

As me and Cujo got done eating and I put my plates up, I slowly get up and announce that I am going to go for a run and I will be back before the bus leave. 

With that I'm off on my run to clear my head. 

_____

~Carli POV~

Carli ~ Christie, Abby and Jill I need to see you in Jill's room in 10 mintues I need to talk to you guys it's about Ashlyn. 

With that I slowly get up to put everything away and see Abby and them doing the same.

As I get up to the room I already see Jill, Christie and Abby sitting on the extra bed in Jill's room. 

"So what's going on with Ashlyn that you needed to talk to us about?" Abby asked. 

"Last night I was asleep when she got into the room, but early in the morning I woke up because I had to use the restroom and once I got out I heard Ashlyn yelling. I woke her up and made sure everything was okay, and she just kinda shrug it off and we went back to sleep."

"well.. " Jill said looking at me. "I'm not quite sure what's going on with her but you 3 make sure that you are keeping an eye on her. She just got home we don't need to anything happening to her."

"Yes ma'am" us three say in a usion.

With this week all got up and walked out of Jill's hotel room with me still worried with Ashlyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so once again I just wrote this because I'm a procrastator and I was bored. 
> 
> Remember to leave kudos and comment!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry I haven't written in forever. I have had alot of personal things come up, and I'm in marching band and we made it to state so we have been practicing because we go and march at the Alamo Dome on Monday.

________

Me and Cujo were sitting watching practice when I just couldn't sit still anymore. I grabbed Cujo attention and we get and go over to the bleachers.

I start running the bleachers Cujo waiting for me to do my reps. When I got done doing bleachers I got on the ground and did 45 sit-ups and 30 push ups.

Me and Cujo walked down from the bleachers and lined up with the girls that were fixing to run down to the end of the field and back. 

The girls looked down at me like they knew they were faster. What they didn't know was when I was in the Army I got so much more physically fit and my stamina got so much better so my sprinting Expecally in boots have gotten better. 

As Jill blew the whistle we all took off I started off slower than I knew I could run so they thought I was still the same. As soon as we got to one side of the field I started going a little faster. By the time we were at the half of the field it was me, Tobin and Baby Horse left. 

When we got done running Alex looked at me like I had 2 heads. 

"What happened to that slow ass keeper?" she said panting. 

"Well let's just say you can't be slow when you are looking for bombs," I said walking to find water for myself and Cujo. 

_____

That night Tobin, Kelley, Carli, and Alex was sitting in the lobby drinking coffee when Kelley looked at me.

"just say what you are gonna say Squrrel."

"Where are you going after this Ashlyn?" she asked very curiously.

"Well to be honest Kel I'm not quite sure I may just go sleep on couch to couch until I can find a place," I said finally realizing I had no where to go. 

"You don't have worry about that."

I looked at her like she was crazy. "what do you mean I don't have to worry about it? "

Kelley looked at me and let out the Huge puff of air. "what I'm trying to say dum dum is that you are going to go home with me Duh."

"Are you sure Kel I don't want to feel like an-"

"Yes I'm sure dumbass." she said smiling at me her eyes slowing scanning me.

"thank you Kelley." 

With that I remembered why I keep falling for her harder and harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is sorry it's short but make sure to comment and leave kudos! Thank y'all!


	5. Chapter five

Today everyone was going home to their respectful cities, and I was going home with Kelley.. 

Let's just say I was nervous as hell. Not because of the flight and hoping Cujo will be alright because for the next couple of months I am going to be living with Kelley.

I walk down to the lobby with Cujo in his harness and my duffle over my shoulder. As I reached the lobby I sat me stuff down and went and searched for Jill.

When I found her I walked up to her an gave the biggest hug I have ever given her. 

"thank you so much Jill for bringing me up here and surprising the girls," I said tears slowly forming in my eyes.

"it was my pleasure Ashlyn," jill said looking at me. " I haven't seen them this happy since before you left. You are welcome to come to any practices with us and practice remember there is always a spot for you."

I looked down and smile realizing how much I have missed everyone.

"Now," Jill stated picking up my head. "Go home with Kelley and get your girl, we a see how big of a crush you have on her. "

"I will. Thank you jill," I said giving her one more hug going back to my bag.

_____

When we got to the airport all of us gave eachother hug and said goodbye.

Me and Kelley slowly walked to security the hardest part of the whole thing.

"ma'am that dog needs to go into a kennel and go through baggage," the security officer said. 

"He is allowed to go through with me and on to the plane with me he has papers for it, " I said trying to tell the security guard.

"Then let me see the papers."

I step aside searching through my pockets looking through my wallet and couldn't find it. 

"Well ma'am since you can't find the papers I'm going to have to take the dog down by baggage...," the man said trying to grab Cujo from me. 

"Don't you dare touch him!" I snarled at the man. 

_____

Kelley Pov

I stepped back kinda scared and startled at Ashlyn's reaction to the man. I've never seen Ashlyn this angry not even during a game.

I look at Ashlyn. She looked like she could kill a man if he touch Cujo but she also looked like Cujo was her life support. 

I slowly walked up Ashlyn. I calmly looked at the security man and Ashlyn and slowly spoke to the security guard, " Sir may you please listen. My girlfriend here just got back from a 2 year tour in Iraq and the jet lag still has her all messed up. I can show you that I am telling the truth."

I grabbed my phone and pulled up and photo of Ashlyn and Cujo and showed the man.

The man looked up at Ashlyn who seemed to be zoned out. 

"Oh goodness," he said looking at Ashlyn. "I am so sorry for all the Hassle I'll let y'all go on your way."

With that me and Ashlyn got through security and got to the gate without anymore trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey guys I finally updated again. And I even added Kelley Pov in there. And Kelley even told the security guy that Ashlyn is her girlfriend I wonder how Ashlyn feels about Kelley saying that.
> 
> Remember to comment about how I am doing and leave kudos!


	6. Chapter six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER HAS SOME MENTION OF DRINKING PROBLEMS AND SELF-HARMING!!
> 
> YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

It was about 10pm when we arrived at Kelley house. As we were about to walk in Kelley stopped me an looked me straight in the eyes. 

"I did not have time to straighten up so the place is kinda of a mess." "okay..," I said. I mean how big of a mess could a tiny squirrel make. 

We walked in and the place was a mess. Beer and vodka bottles all over the place,(I didn't even know she drank!) junk food and pizza boxes on the ground, and a couple of things shattered. 

"Kelley what the hell happened?" "I-I-I I really don't know..." she said trailing off. "I missed you. I missed hearing you laugh at my dumb ass jokes. I missed seeing you everyday. I missed everything about you! I cried everyday so I started drinking to forget you.. It started with just drinking and then I didn't sleep at all and so I was living off of Energy drinks and coffee and junk food. Eventually it lead to more.." 

"What do you mean it eventually lead to more Kelley?" Then it clicked in my head. "Kelley please tell me you didn't..." "I'm so sorry.." she said trailing off. 

It made me so more sense now. The more time I spent overseas, the less emotion she put into her letters, until finally most of her letters said just come home Ashy, just come home.. 

"How long?"

"a year an a half" she said trailing off.

"You know I need to Tell Carli or Christie right? Expecally Jill, but she can wait until tomorrow. I can't be the only to know, and I defiantly can't try to be the only one to help you. So which one Christie or Carli?"

"Both.. They both deserve to know, call them tonight because tomorrow I might change my mind, but Jill can wait until tomorrow."

"okay. Kelley it's late we will talk more about this in the morning. okay squirrel?" I said giving her a small. Smile.

"Alright. Good night Ashy" she said giving me a huge hug.

After she went to bed I looked at Cujo. "Boy we got a long night."

I started with the alcohol. I threw away all the empty bottles and poured out all the full bottles, so she wouldn't be tempted. Next I picked up the assorted chips and pizza all over.

Lastly I started picking up what was shattered. I picked up the the picture that was against the wall. It was a picture of me and her the day I got deployed. I was in my uniform and she was in her soccer jersey and cleats because she was going to a game stright after she sent me off at the airport. I smiled at the picture and saw how happy she was in the picture, and now just to think about what she has deteriorated into. 

I picked up my laptop and logged into Skype. I pressed Carli and Christie icon and it started to ring.

Carli started to speak. "Do you not know what time it--" "it's Kelley" I said seriously. "Is everything okay?" Christie and Carli asked at the same time. "Where do I start..."

"We got to her apartment and she told me it was kind of a mess, and I was like how bad could it be. We go inside and there is beer bottles, vodka bottles, chips and pizza boxes EVERYWHERE. I sent y'all some pictures of it."

"The place looks horrible," Christie said looking down at her phone. "I didn't know she drank" Carli said. "me either" I said "but let me just finish out the story."

"I asked her what happened and why. She told me she was tired of crying and tired of missing me so she started to drink to numb all the pain. After she started drinking she couldn't sleep so she just stared living off of coffee and energy drinks and junk food. Then she just couldn't handle it anymore.."

At the point I started to break. It just hitting me that she was doing all of this because of ME. If I didn't go to Iraq and just stayed being a goalkeeper she wouldn't be like this. 

I slowly gave my composure and glad that Carli and Christie were letting take my time.

I took a deep breath. "She said she couldn't handle it anymore. So she started cutting." I heard and saw both of them gasp and throw their hands up to their mouths. 

"How long?" Christie asked. "A year and a half.." I said trailing off. 

Carli looked like she had been it by a truck. "I'm coming down tomorrow the earliest flight I can find." Carli said. "Me too" Christie said.

"Thank you guys" I said. "it will mean a lot to her and to me.. And tomorrow I have to call Jill and inform her on Kelley so the next camp Dawn may have something to help her a little bit." 

I gave them a smile and told them I would talk and see them tomorrow. 

I got up and saw that Cujo was asleep by the door. I decided the rest of the mopping up alcohol could wait until tomorrow. I just didn't want to talk to Jill tomorrow...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't expecting that were y'all? I hope you liked it. 
> 
> Please leave comments about how I am doing.  
> Please leave Kudos! 
> 
> Thank you guys!


	7. Chapter seven

The next morning I heard someone quietly knocking on the door. Assuming Kelley was still asleep and I saw that Cujo was still asleep I got up quietly and went to open the door. 

As I opened up the door I see Carli, and Christie standing there with a very confused looking Jill. 

"You told Jill! I said I would Skype her today."

Carli looked at me. "Christie and I had to tell her if she needed to get a hold of us we would be at Kelley's for a couple of days. She demanded to know why and I told her if she wanted to know to come here. and well Ta-da."

Jill looked at me. "So you care to explain?"

"Yeah. Why don't me and Jill talk into the Hallway. Christie and Carli go inside VERY quietly, because there is a sleeping squirrel and a dog that if your to loud will get mad so be quiet, and start cleaning up a little bit."

After I told Christie and Carli about Cujo they seemed kinda worried but continued to go inside so me and Jill could have a mintue to talk.

"She isn't good. She completely broke down last night Jill, and I don't know what to do. I know Carli told y'all about my dreams. I have to. Stay strong for Kelley and help her but I also have to look out for myself."

Jill looked like she has just been hit with a train of information.

"What has she been doing?"

"Completely dismissing Dawn diet. She's been drinking living off of pizza, energy drinks and junk food. And has been harming herself. She has been doing this for a year and a half because she missed me Jill. She missed ME."

Jill looked up at me and pulled me into a huge hug, and that is when I lost it. I broke for the first time since I was captured I wasn't sure what to do. All I could do was cry. 

Me and Jill stood liked that for a good five minutes until I stood up and suggested we went inside to help clean the rest of the house.

_____

It was about noon and Kelley still was not so I went upstairs to see if she was awake. 

I knocked on her door lightly and proceed to push it open and what I was broke my heart. 

Kelley was Standing in the mirror Naked with cuts up and down her body some scares and some fresh ones a couple days old. She was also starting to lose her tone also.

"Kelley... " I whispered.

I swear she jumped 10 feet in the air, and quickly threw a robe on. 

"How much did you see?"

"all of it."

"I'm so sorry Ashy. I-I I don't know what happened. I tried it once, and I couldn't stop." 

Kelley started crying. I slowly went up to her and wrapped my arms around her.

"You don't deserve me Ashlyn. I understand if you want to go live with Carli or someone else."

I turned Kelley around so she could see me.

"Kelley listen to me, and listen to me good. "No I don't deserve you. I Don't deserve you because you deserve someone so much better. You are amazing Kell you are the sweetest person, you helped me get through security at the airport, and I heard you call me your girlfriend to help the situation. You also got me through the two years in Iraq, I would always count the days until I got another letter. You've helped me so much now it's my turn to help you. Go take a bath and sit in there for a little bit. Me, Carli, Christie and Jill are going to make lunch."

"Wait Jill is here!"

"Yes she came down this morning and I talked to her and we are all going to help you Kelley I promise."

_____

I got back down stairs and went straight to the table, starting to make a shopping list.

"Ashlyn stop."

I looked up to see Christie standing behind me. 

"We already got some stuff. We got fruit, cereal, oatmeal, milk, and protein shakes."

"Thank you guys." 

"Anytime. Now let's make some lunch because I am starving."

We all laughed for once and started making the best lunch anyone could ever taste.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys here is a chapter I Hope y'all liked it. Leave suggestions, and tell me how I am doing, and please Vote!


	8. Chapter eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me FORVER to write.
> 
> I'm sorry it looks weird I'm not quite sure what happened!
> 
> But I hope y'all enjoy this chapter

It has been a couple of days since Carli and Christie showed up. Jill left the next day because she had some business she needed to do before the next camp; but before she left she got a list from Dawn.

 

The list was to tell us what we need to do to get Kelley to back to where she was before she went downhill.

 

We started to get Kelley to drink some protein shakes, and wing her off the energy drinks.

 

Sadly we found out the hard way that she needed to be winged off of things and not cut off completely. We found out that the energy drinks was really where she was getting her energy from. Since she was not sleeping through out the night, in the morning she would drink a couple energy drinks so she would have enough energy to get through practice and the day.

 

So when we took the energy drinks away, she would be so exhausted when she woke up she would be out by noon and not wake up until 6pm.

 

I could not really say I was getting much sleep either, but I was the least of my worries.

 

_____

 

It was about 5:30 in the morning which meant the other three would be up in about 15 mintues. I decided to help them out and get breakfast started.

 

I gave Cujo his breakfast and started making mine, Carli, and Christie smoothie then Kelley's protein shake.

 

As everyone was starting to wake up I was starting to make eggs. "Ooo it is smelling good in here," Carli sang as she came down stairs.

 

"Good morning Car," I said smiling.

 

"How long have you been up Ashlyn?"

 

"Only about 15 mintues," I said yawning.

 

"Ashlyn you really need to get more sleep, it isn't good for you," Christie said coming down the stairs.

 

"I'm fine. I'm getting enough sleep," I said lying through my teeth.

 

To be honest I don't care how tired I am as long as I am helping Kelley. That is all that matters to me. I have put her through way to much shit, and I just want to help her right now. Even if that means me not getting enough sleep. I've gone with way less sleep than I am getting now.

 

_____

 

As everyone finished breakfast and I decided I needed to go out for a little bit.

 

I wrote down a note for the gals and harnessed up Cujo and left.

 

As me and Cujo were walking down the sidewalk I spotted a park. We went over to the park and walked a round a little bit, and I even played fetch with Cujo and his favorite tennis ball for a while. I was starting to get a little tired from playing fetch so I started searching for a bench to sit on for a little it.I saw one and started walking to it. 

 

Me a Cujo sat down and then my mind started wondering.

 

_____

 

_ When I woke up I was quite disorented, it was dark and I couldn't see anything. All of a sudden I heard the door open and saw a figure walking towards me.  _

 

_ "Oh look she is waking up," said the person.  _

 

_ "It was definitely a man," I thought to myself.  _

 

_ All of the sudden there was a bright light that got turned on shining straight into my face. I could see the man dressed in all black. As he walked up to me, he spit In my face.  _

 

_ "Trying to find where I put my bombs huh? Well see where that led you. It led you right here."  _

 

_ The man laughed.  _

 

_ "Well you're done trying to find bombs because when I'm done you are going to be wishing you were dead.."  _

 

_____

 

I shot off the bench like a rocket.

 

"No more walking or sitting" I said out loud. 

 

I looked down at Cujo. "Let's jog around the block and then head back to Kelley I bet they are missing you boy." 

 

He looked up at me and barked. Me and him got up and started our run to clear my mind. 

 

_____

 

As I walked it I see Christie sitting on the couch looking at me. 

 

"Ashlyn it looks like you have seen a ghost are you okay?" 

 

"y-yeah I'm fine just a little tired from the run and probably just a little dehydrated. Don't worry Christie." 

 

"Okay, well I'm here if you want to talk." 

 

"I know Christie. Thank you." I said forcing a smile. 

 

I walked into the kitchen seeing food set out to me I grabbed a plate and saw that Christie had left so I turned on Netflix and started watching Fuller House.

 

_____

 

That is what I did all day, Kelley came a joined me for a little bit, but I got through season 1 and 2 without getting up unless it was to use to restroom. 

 

It was nearly midnight and Kelley was asleep on me. I slowly got up and started walking to her bedroom to put her asleep. When I tried to lay her down, she gripped my shirt tighter and said, "Ashy please stay with me tonight." 

"okay I will squirrel, but I need to go change first." 

 

After I changed, and went to Kelley's room. I got into her bed and sat aginast the headboard. 

 

As soon as she found out that I was in her bed she was laying on me, using me as a pillow. 

 

That is how I stayed the whole night. I stayed at the headboard slowly stroking Kelley's hair hoping I wouldn't fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I hope you liked it. Leave comments and suggestions and leave Kudos


	9. Chapter nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter is gonna be a flashback before Ashlyn came home.  
> Hope y'all enjoy.

Kelley pov

I just drowned my second Red Bull before Megan came back into the room and caught me drinking it. The only reason why she couldn't see I was drinking it was because I was not technically suppose to have it.

As soon as I discarded the can, and put my jacket on so no one saw my arms, Megan came in bouncing all over the walls.

"Come on slow poke we are gonna be late for breakfast!"

I laughed looking at her crazy. "Okay, okay I am coming don't have a cow before we get down there."

_____

As we got down to the dining area all I could smell was the food, and the smell of it just made me want to vomit. I may have not been eating the best since last camp, but it's fine.

I went up to the food line and saw what was for breakfast. I saw Toast, oatmeal, bananas, apples, and pancakes with bacon. I opted to get a tiny bowl of oatmeal and some water.

I was looking to see who to sit with when all of the sudden I saw the older vets waving me over to their table.

As I sat over there everyone made small talk, and talking about training. I only ate a couple of bites and saw Christie eyeing my bowl before speaking up. 

"Kelley you need more food than that."

I looked at her like she was crazy. I had more than enough food for me. 

"No I don't," I replied. I the rest of my oatmeal quickly and left to go to my room. 

_____

Christie Pov

I watched as Kelley finished off her food and quickly leave. I looked around the table and saw that Abby, Carli, Hope and Boxxy had the same look that I had. 

"Does anyone know what that was about?" I asked slightly confused.

"Not really," Carli replied. "I saw her yesterday and she just looked completely out of it. And did you guys not see its like 75 degrees in this room and she was wearing a hoodie and sweatpants." 

"Well whatever it is we just need to keep an eye on her. I know having Ashlyn away is probably affecting her in some way but we do not need her losing it." I said looking around at the table. 

They all agreed and got up so we could get ready for training.

_____

Kelley pov

For practice I decided on a pair of shorts and a long sleeve shirt. 

As I got on the bus I saw everyone in there tank tops and shorts looking at me crazy for wearing a long sleeve shirt. I just ignored the looks and went back to my spot and sat down with my ear buds in. 

_____

Practice was excruciating long and I felt like I was slowly dying. Every part of me ached and I had lost alot of my speed. 

As the team came down to dinner I saw Christie walking towards me and say "You're eating dinner with us, no if, and, or buts about it. 

I looked at Christie and nodded my head making my way over to the the line to get my food. 

I decided to get a tiny scoop of broccoli, a couple of strawberries, and a little piece of meat with some water. 

I saw that Christie had a spot open for me right next to her at the table. Yeah she is like a mother for all of us at camp, but she is making me sit right next to her like she would Rylie or Reece. 

As I went and sat down I saw all of them looking at me so I decided to guide them away with a conversation,  because I was super uncomfortable with them staring at me. "So that game of soccer tennis got really intense today."

"You're telling me," Abby said bewildered. "I was like 99% sure MY team was gonna win!"

"Well that 1% that you didn't believe in went into my favor as MY team won!" I said fist pumping in the air. 

_____

Christie Pov

As Kelley fist pumps in the air, that is when I saw it.

I saw all those red little marks running up and down her arm, and all of a sudden I could not stand to be there anymore. 

I got up quickly and left. I didn't tell anyone anything I just left. 

I decided that I needed to clear my mind so I grabbed my running shoes and started running.

_____

As I got tried and out of breath I saw a bench and sat down. As soon as I sat down I lost it. 

I just cried.

All I could think about was Kelley doing something like that to herself. 

Why would she do that to herself. I didn't understand any of and I wish I could, without confronting her about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Christie knows about Kelley's self-harming but she has yet to say anything to Ashlyn.
> 
> Did y'all. Like the flashback chapter?   
> Should I do another one?  
> Please tell me!
> 
> Please leave some. Kudos! Thanks guys for reading this story this far!


	10. Chapter ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this chapter took me forever to write. But I really hope y'all enjoy this chapter. Sorry it's short.

Christie pov

"why the fuck didn't you tell me!" Ashlyn yelled as she ran down the stairs stopping as she came face to face to me. 

"What do you mean?" I asked utterly confused.

She looked at me like I was crazy. "Don't play dumb with me Christie! You know exactly what I'm taking about! You've know for a fucking year and a half and never told me, Carli or even Jill for that matter!"

And then it clicked. I just stood there unable to move.

"H-h-how did you find out?" I studdered out. 

"Kelley tends to have a big mouth and says stuff in her sleep."

All I could do was shake my head. "We need to take this outside and talk about it. We do not need to be in the house where Kelley is, and start talking about her."

Ashlyn looked at me and stormed outside. As soon as I stepped outside and closed the door she started up again yelling at me.

"You knew for all this time and didn't say a damn word!" Ashlyn screamed. "All this time why I was away she could have been getting help, but no you didn't fucking tell anyone Christie! You just left her and did nothing!"

"Listen Ashlyn!" my voice getting about as loud as hers. "Yes I should have fucking told someone what she was doing, but she begged me not to! She told me she would stop! You want to know the first time I saw them? I was at the dinner with the team Ashlyn. After I found out I couldn't stand to be in that room anymore I couldn't stand being near anyone. I ended up going outside running and then just cried..." I looked up at Ashlyn for the first time, and saw she was starting to calm down. "It broke my heart seeing someone that amazing, just hurt themselves like that."

Ashlyn looked me in the eyes and just came and hugged me. That is all we did for a couple of minutes, we just sat there and hugged.

What people don't understand about me and Ashlyn is that we understand eachother. We understand what eachother ment without many words. We may look like we are opposites, but we really aren't.

"You know you are helping her out alot right?" I said looking up at Ashlyn. 

"How"

"For being there for her. You haven't left her. You didn't leave when you, saw the apartment, and when she told you everything. After all of that you still stayed. You didn't get mad. You talked to her and you called us, and hell you even cleaned her apartment for her. The whole team knows you love her, about as much as she loves you."

"thank you Christie." Ashlyn said giving me one of her million dollar smiles. 

"Anytime kiddo."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again guys im sorry this is a short chapter!  
> Please tell me how y'all are liking it, and I could really use some ideas.
> 
> Please leave some Kudos! :)


	11. Chapter eleven

3 months later

Kelley pov

Christie and Carli left about a month ago. I can acutally say things are going good for me and Ashlyn. I have been getting back on a good eating and workout schedule, while being able to have time for myself.

Ashlyn decided to get Cujo licence as a therapy dog for herself, because after going to the doctor, she found out that her and Cujo had separation anxiety from eachother. But all of that was besides the point. I was excited because tonight was my first night back at camp since shit hit the fan with my health. Jill had also agreed to let Ashlyn come and practice with us. 

_____

We were all sitting around the lobby just talking and joking around when Ashlyn said something that I wish she didn't say. "Whats been going on with Alyssa? I haven't seen or heard from her since I got back to the states." 

Everyone looked at me like I should explain to Ashlyn. All of a sudden my hands started to get sweaty, and then I just couldn't be there anymore. I stood up and just left the room. 

Ashlyn PoV. 

I just sat there confused at everyones faces and the reason why Kelley just left. 

Julie let out a sigh and stood up.  "Ashlyn bring Cujo and follow me," she stated getting up fast. I got up quickly and followed her to the elevator. Before I knew it me and JJ were standing in front of Jill's room. 

"Why are-" "please don't ask any questions yet," JJ practically pleaded as she knocked on the door. 

Jill opened up the door and saw me and Julie standing at the there and let us in. Jill and Julie immediately started to exchange some words. The only phrase I really heard was, " she asked about HER, and Kelley walked out so I thought I would tell her." "Tell me what?!" I asked still completely confused. 

Jill looked at me and then back at Julie, and then slowly said, "We need to talk to you about Alyssa." " What's wrong with the silent assassin?!" I asked slowly started to panic. Julie came over and wrapped her arms around me to try and get me to calm down. 

Jill came down and sat on the bed with me, and then she started to speak. "Alyssa has been in the hospital the last 4 months." "What do you mean? She is in the hospitalz and no one decided to tell me!" I said. Julie looked at Jill who nodded. 

Julie looked at me and began to speak. "please do not say anything until I get done because this is a really hard story to tell. One reason why we think Kelley went off the deep end so hard is because she found Alyssa almost dead a week before you came home."

I gasped trying to hold back tears. Wanting to know what happended. I nodded at JJ to continue.

"We came back from dinner, Alyssa didn't go because she said she didn't feel good. We believed her and well that is besides the point. Like I said we got back and we all decided to hang out in mine and HAOs room until curfew. Kelley said she had to go to her room for something and to also check on Alyssa. It was less than 2 mintues since I stepped into my room when I heard a scream from Alyssa and Kelley's room. I ran into their room thinking it might be a spider, but what I saw was completely different." 

Julie had to pause for a second trying to regain her composure. I slowly rubbed her leg as she continued.

"I just saw Alyssa just laying there in her own pool of blood. I yelled for Jill and called 911 as Kelley stood there in shock. After Alyssa got transported to the ambulance is when I saw the note laying right next to the bathroom."

I looked up at Julie, and then to Jill who was silently crying. I looked at them with pleading eyes to please read the note. I needed to know what was said on it. Jill nodded and then told Julie it was in the drawer. Julie got up and got the note and sat back down. She then started to read the note. 

Everyone, Expecally whoever found me.  I am so sorry that you have found me like this. Maybe you found me on time maybe you didn't. I wanted to tell you that I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't deal with all this pain anymore. I was tired of not feeling like I should be here at camp. That I didn't belong with any group. I have also been struggling with my sexuality. I know anyone of you guys would be like " you can talk to me if you want to. You know I will listen." I know you guys would listen, but the person I have been wanting to talk to is all the way in Iraq.  I know she will be back in 3 months, but I can't do it anymore. Hopefully this time being the silent assassin will finally pay off. I love you guys from the bottom of my heart, and please tell Ashlyn I am so sorry.

Alyssa. 

Julie slowly finished. I just sat there shocked not quite sure what I should say or do. I looked at Jill and said " I need to see her. I want to see her!"

Jill nodded and then said " tomorrow I can take you. I will tell Becky and Carli to run practice for the most part. They will understand."

I nodded at Jill, and then told the both of them goodnight. I walked out of Jill's door stright into the stair well.  As soon I hit the stairs I collapsed and started to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did y'all like it? Comment and tell me.
> 
> Thank you guys for reading this story, y'all don't know how much it means, to see that people acutally read and like this story. 
> 
> Peace&Love


	12. Chapter twelve

When I finally got myself off of the ground, me and Cujo went into our hotel room to find Kelley asleep. I told Cujo to lay down as I quietly got ready for bed. I soon as I layed my head on that pillow I was out like a light.

_____  
Dream/ flashback

I woke up and everything hurt. I saw brusies up and down my legs, and then I noticed something. I wasn't in the uniform anymore. I was naked... "no please no" I started chanting in my head. As I started to cry, the same man came into that room and started laughing.

"I see you just found out you lost the last little bit of innocence you had," he said grinning. 

He saw me crying and slapped me, "Stop being such a baby. If you though that was bad you haven't seen the slightest bit."

As he said that 3 other men came in, and started to beat me with belts, and started to grop me until I finally lost consciousness.

_____

I woke up in beads of my own sweat, with tears running down my face. I dried up my tears fast as I could so if kelley was awake she didn't see me. 

I checked my phone and saw i had 15 mintues until I needed to be down in the lobby to meet Jill. I got up and threw on my UNC soccer hoodie, and a pair of jeans and hooked Cujo up and made my way down to the lobby.

As soon as I got down there Jill directed me and Cujo into the car and we were on our way.

_____

As we entered hospital place my anxiety shot up and I just got so nervous. 

Jill saw this and gave me a reassuring smile. Then procceeded to tell the lady we were to see Alyssa. 

The lady gave us name tags and told Jill that when ever we were ready we could go back there. Me and Jill started walking until we hit the second door on the right.

_____

As I walked in and I saw Alyssa, Alyssa saw me, we both started grinning, and crying at the same time. 

What people didn't know about the goalies is that we had this bond that know one understood.

"I'm soo sorry Alyssa," I said crying. "I'm so sorry that I left, and I couldn't talk to you or help you."

Alyssa came over to me and hugged me and lifted up my chin. "it's okay Ashlyn. Im so much better now than I was four months ago. Ash you left because it was your duty to fight for this country, and I didn't know that I was gonna go off the deep end, but I'm better now. They even said I could leave today.." 

I looked at her like she was crazy and looked at Jill who nodded. I started bouncing off the walls like a little 5 year old. 

"Does the rest of the team know?" I asked excitedly. "nope" said Jill. " I was hoping to make it a surprise, at lunch today." 

After Jill signed Alyssa out, and I introduced Cujo to Alyssa we were all set to go give the team another surprise in less than 6 months."

_____

As we got to the hotel Jill told Alyssa to hold Cujo as I walked in to the dining place.

"Hey where is Cujo?" Meghan asked. 

"That is why I asked Jill if the team could have lunch here this afternoon." I said. " Cujo wondered off earlier,  and I still can't find him. So I was wondering if you guys would help me find him."

Everyone agreed and started to get up and file out the door and that moment I heard Carli out of everybody go "Are you fucking serious!" and then everyone laughing and greeting Alyssa.

____

That night I let the girls have Cujo for a little bit to run off some energy while I asked Kelley to take a walk with me. 

As me and her walked down the beach I finally stopped and looked at her. "Kelley, I know these last 4 months have been the toughest for the both of us, but I can't wait any longer." 

She gave me and confused looks, and that is when I knew I had to do it. I leaned down gently and cupped her cheeks and kissed her lips softly. 

It felt like we stayed like that for hours, but soon we had to breath so we parted and leaned our foreheads together. 

I looked at her, and said, "I have been wanting to do that, since I left, and honestly it would make this night a thousand times better than it already is if you would agree to be my girlfriend."

"What are you trying to say Ashlyn Michelle?" she said looking at me with a smirk on her face.

"I'm asking you, if you Kelley Maureen O'Hara if you would like to be my girlfriend?" 

"Yes Ashy I would love to be your girlfriend" Kelley said as she grabbed my face and kissed me again. 

_____

It was getting late and Kelley turned to me, "You going up yet?" 

"No I need to call Abby and then I will be up there," I said.

"Okay well don't be to long because you're practicing with us tomorrow.

"I know I won't. Goodnight Kell."

"Good night Ashlyn."

I waited a good ten minutes after Kelley left looking at the ocean trying to get my thoughts together, and then I decided that would be a good point to call Abby. 

"Hello," said I sleepy Abby. 

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you up." I said apologetically.

"It's fine. What did you need?"

"I still need to talk to Christie and Carli about this, but after this camp, I was wondering if you, Christie and Carli would meet up with me some place and talk about some things."

"what things?" Abby asked confused.

"Things that I can't say over the phone. I have to go its late and Kelley is probably wondering where I am. I'll talk to you in a couple days. Goodnight Abby."

"Good night Shark girl."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have returned. Sorry I haven't posted in awhile alot of things have came up. But I hope y'all enjoyed it. Please tell me how I did and I could always use the ideas.


	13. Chapter thirteen

3 months. It has taken me 3 months after camp to call Abby, Christie, and Carli to meet me. 

We decided to meet the weekend Kelley was going to Georgia. I didn't want her to worry about me and I knew if she knew that I was going to hang out with only those 3 something would be up. 

I slowly got up and got into a nice plaid button down and pair of black skinny jeans, and then got Cujo and headed to the girls Hotel. 

_____

As I reached the hotel I looked down at my phone and saw that Abby had sent me the room number. I got into into the elevator and pressed 5. 

As the elevator started to creep up I thought about how am going to tell them. "Should I start from the very beginning? Should I leave out all the details?" I didn't have enough time to think much because the elevator dinged to signal the 5th floor. 

As I got out of the elevator Cujo rubbed against me telling me everything is gonna be okay. I walked to room 569, and just stood there for a good 5 mintues. 

Finally I got the balls to knock, and as soon as I knocked Abby opened the door and gave me a giant hug. 

"Hey shark girl" Abby said leading me Inside. "Hey abs, Carli, and Cap." I said as I sat down on the couch.

"I feel like we just need to get this done." I said getting right to the point. "A lot of shit happened those 2 years in Iraq. The worst part is when I was captured for 6 months and tortured."

As soon as those words came out of my mouth, they knew what I was about to say. 

"I'm telling you this, because I kept getting flashbacks of it. They mainly happen when I'm asleep, but they have also occcured when my mind wonders off. I guess I should tell you how I got captured. Me and Cujo were doing our rounds when I saw something explode a 100 yards away. I knew it wasn't anything good so I started running back to base, when I was a vehicle racing towards me. I remember I was trying to out run the vehicle and to reach for my radio and then getting thrown down. I told Cujo to find help and then I blacked out."

"Oh my goodness, that just sounds like pure hell just getting captured," Abby said looking at me.

I nodded not really sure what to say, other than continuing. 

"I'll keep all the gruesome details out, but there was four men, who would do everything to humiliate me. These four men smacked me, burnt me, beat me and worst of all raped me."

I heard the intake of breath from Christie.

"They took the last little bit of innocence I had. This happened for months. They drugged me and practically did what ever they wanted to me. One day everything changed. I heard banging on walls and screaming, a couple of gun shots and then nothing. I was to weak to get up, and I just sat there hoping this wasn't how I was gonna die. Then the door open, and there was my best buddy Rickie. All I could do was cry of happiness and embarrassment. I was in a shit hole, and my best mate is the one who finds me and I'm stark naked. I got out of there and they sent me to medical and that is how I ended up coming back 3 months early. 

"How did you not lose it?" Abby asked intrested.

"It's because I thought about Cujo and Kelley. I couldn't die, I knew Kelley would be heart broken and I knew you guys would be so devesated. I had to stay alive for everyone. I couldn't let those jackasses win."

"I-i'll be right back," Christie said as she got up and went onto the balcony.

I saw the tears in her eyes as she left, and I follwed her out. 

"What's going on in that head Cap?"

"When you were talking about getting tourtered and raped, all I could think about what if that was one of my girls. How would I be able to help them?" Christie said. "I count you as one of my children Ashlyn. I love you like one of mine and it hurts to hear about all the shit you went through. Yeah everyone on the soccer team is like my children and I worry about them, but you out there risking your life for this country makes me worry about you just tad more."

I laughed as she said that. "I knew you liked me more"

"Ashlyn Michelle you better not tell anyone, or I will make Jill put you in goal and let Carli give it to you!" Christie said trying not to laugh. 

"You feel better?" I asked Christie. 

"much."

_____

The rest of the day we spent watching all the Jaws movies. It was really just a weight lifted off my shoulders to tell these people what I have gone through, just in case something happened they would know what to do. 

The only people I had left was to tell was Jill, Alyssa, and most importantly Kelley. I knew I had to do it at some point, but not yet. I just got Kelley, and I didn't need something happening to Alyssa again. 

At this moment, everything was okay, and I wasn't going to let anyone fucking destroy it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I hope y'all liked this chapter. Tell me how I did, and maybe give me some ideas of what should happen. :)


	14. Chapter fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys crazy I know. An update this fast. All I can say is when it's midnight and you have had a headache for 3 days, and can't fall asleep chapters get written. 
> 
> I'm sorry this chapter is short, but I hope y'all like it. Tell me how y'all like it. 
> 
> BTW there is mention of slef-harm and drinking.

All I could do at the moment was sit. Sit on the bathroom floor with vomit on my mouth, with Red Bull cans, and beer around me. All I could think about is "how did I end up like this"?

In all honesty I could probably tell you. 

I am all alone with no one to talk to. The only person I wish I could talk to is 7,000 miles away, and gone for another 6 months. 

I haven't let anyone in my apartment in months. In all honesty my apartment looked like shit. There is beer bottles all over the floor, Red Bull cans, and even glass from a picture. 

I can only remember parts of what happened the night I broke that picture. I missed her so I drank, and drank, and drank until I couldn't tell what was a hand and what was a foot. All I wanted to do was talk to her, but I knew I couldn't, and I got irritated. I saw that photo of me and her in our diffrent uniforms smiling, and I just got mad and threw it.

I know if people saw me like this, they would say I was an alcoholic. I say I'm coping. I mean what else do you do when your crush leaves for Iraq for 2 years, and you see one of your best friends lying lifeless on a hotel floor. 

I don't know who to run to. So I run to the bottles and sharp objects. I drink the pain away, and then I take the blades across my wrist so, just for a split second I am free. Free from all the problems in the world.

When I drink and cut, I don't worry about if Ashlyn is ok, and alive, or how Alyssa is doing. I can just have a clear mind for a split second until I am pulled back into reality. 

I've lost about 10 pounds In the last month and half. I've also lost most of my muscles. I haven't been working out.

I sit at home and just lay on my bed or my couch, watching TV. The take out is still lying on the counter, dishes piled high. You could say I was depressed. 

Im scared about the future. I just want her home, and everything to be ok.


	15. Chapter fifteen

It's been a couple of months, and I think it is time to tell Kelley. The others have been so supportive of me of keeping it from Kelley, and I am so grateful for it. 

We were currently sitting on the couch cuddling watching Spongebob. (Kelley's request.) I decided that it was now or never.

"Kel we need to talk." she muted the show and turned to looked at me with a concerned face. "Is everything okay?"

"Hopefully it is when I tell you. All I request is that you don't say anything when I tell you." she nodded her head never breaking eye contact with me. 

"It was hell out there. It honestly was. What you didn't know about me being over there is that I was captured and raped and tortured by four men. I honestly thought that I was never going to see everybody, and expecally you ever again." 

I started to slip into a flashback as I continued to talk. "It really did scare me. I lost a ton of weight. They starved me, only gave the what little I needed to survive. They would rape me over and over again, they would hit me and smack me, until I passed out."

"Just stop please!"

When I heard that, I jumped back into reality, and I stopped immediately and looked at Kelley who was a sobbing mess. 

"Oh Kelley I am so sorry. I didn't mean to go into it like that. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"you were so hurt out there Ashlyn, and I was here playing soccer." Kelley sobbed out. "You were out there getting raped, getting beat, and barley surviving, and I was out on the pitch, just kicking around a soccer ball!"

At this point Kelley was just yelling nonsense, and crying, and it hurt me to see her like that. 

I slowly stood up as she was facing a corner and wrapped my arms around her waist and slowly walked back and sat on the couch, and slowly cradled her. 

I slowly started singing a song I heard on the radio. 

I met you in the dark, you lit me up  
You made me feel as though I was enough  
We danced the night away, we drank too much  
I held your hair back when  
You were throwing up

Then you smiled over your shoulder  
For a minute, I was stone-cold sober  
I pulled you closer to my chest  
And you asked me to stay over  
I said, I already told ya  
I think that you should get some rest

I knew I loved you then  
But you'd never know  
'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go  
I know I needed you  
But I never showed  
But I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old  
Just say you won't let go  
Just say you won't let go

She looked up at me with red puffy eyes and said, "I'm not giving up on you, and I promise you I won't go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys here's an update I hope you liked it. I know it isn't the best. But the song that Ashlyn sung was "Say you won't let go" by James Arthur.
> 
> Feedback is always welcomed :)


	16. HONESTLY

I honestly have no clue where I'm going with this story help please!


	17. Chapter sixteen

Me and Kelley had made sure to make to tell each other about things since that night. This time at camp I wasn't rooming with Kelley instead, I was rooming with Moe and I was kinda happy with it. 

I haven't gotten to hang out with her alot since we got back, so me and her decided to have a movie night and catch up a little bit. 

"So what movie will it be?" I asked as I climbed up to my bed with Cujo. She looked at me with here thinking face. 

I looked through Netflix and saw Camp X-Ray. "How about this one?"

"Oh yes, I haven't seen this before."

Moe got into her bed and we played the movie. We were about half way through when I saw that Morgan was asleep. I decided to turn off the movie and scroll through twitter before I went to sleep. 

_____

Around 3 am I woke up because I heard covers tussling and I looked over and saw Moe tossing and turning in her bed. 

"Moe, Moe wake up," I tried to say from my bed, but she didn't budge. I slowly got up from my bed and walked over to her bed and started shaking her.

"Moe, darling wake up." I continued to shake her to wake her up. "Come on love."

Finally she started to wake up. When  she finay opened up her eyes and looked at me, she looked absolutely terrified. 

I got into her bed and slowly started to stroking her air. "It's alright Morgy, I'm right here. You're okay."

It took a good 10 mintues to finally to get her to calm down. "you wanna talk about it?" I asked her. She shook her head no. "Do you want me to stay in your bed the rest of the night?" she vigorously nodded her head yes. 

I smiled down at her and slowly laid down and wrapped my arms around her protectively. Hopefully she would tell me what happened in the morning. 

_____

The next morning, when we got ready for breakfast, I felt like Morgan was always keeping her eyes on me.

As she was getting ready I looked at her for a moment and saw the terrified look in her eyes, and I honestly wondered what her nightmare was. 

We walked down to the the meal room moe was on my heels. Never getting more than a foot away from me. 

We got our food and sat down at the table with, Kelley, Pinoe, Kling, and Ali. I just started eating when my phone vibrated with a group message.

Pinoe: what's up with Moe does anyone know? 

Ali: I was wondering the same thing. Ashlyn do you know anything?? 

Kelley: ^^^^

Ashlyn: I woke up when I heard some some covers russling and I saw that she was tossing and turning. I finally got her to wake and after 10 mintues of getting her to calm down she wanted me to stay with her, so I did. And now she is following me like this. 

Pinoe: what was the dream about. She looks TERRIFIED!

Ashlyn: I don't know she won't tell me. And I know try seeing those eyes at 3am. 

I stopped looking at my phone, and started to eat again. I saw Moe being super quiet, so I decided to see if I can get some words outta her. 

"So Moe your breakfast good?" she looked at me and with a small smile nodded her head. 

Megan looked at me and gave me 'I'm gonna try' look. 

"You doing anything on our day off." and once again all she did was shrugged.

"How about we go get burgers and go look at the city today?" I asked her hoping she would acutally answer. 

All she did was look up at me and nod her head yes. All I could do was laugh at her. "Okay, okay we'll do that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would have written more but I just can't at the moment. 
> 
> I wanted to stop this chapter there so I could give y'all a chapter. 
> 
> I don't know how often I am going to be posting. Myself mentally hasn't been the greatest. No it's not suicidal or anything. I have tourettes and lately my tics have been getting worse, and along that my anxiety I feel like has been getting worse. 
> 
> Hopefully I will update soon but if I don't I hope y'all understand. 
> 
> Peace&Love guys...


	18. Chapter seventeen

Moe and I were sitting at a burger joint that we found while we were walking around site seeing.

"Moe after we get done eating I want you to go two places with me. Both which is a secret."

Morgan tilts her head sideways looking curious.

"It's a surprise." I said grining.

_____

Moe looked at me crazy when we walked up to a hair place. She got out her phone and started typing.

Why the hell are we at a hair place??

All I could do was laugh as she showed me her phone. "I want change Moe. I want a positive change. I feel like with my long hair it just reminds me of when I was over seas."

She looked at me with an "oh" face as we entered. The lady at the front desk looked up at us and greeted us. "Hello ladies. What can I do for you girls today?" 

I looked at her and replied "I would like a hair cut please." The lady motioned us to follow her to one of the open chairs. I sat down as she asked me what I would like done with my hair.

"I want it chopped off I want a little bit of length on the top but the sides shaved." Morgan and the lady looked at me shocked. 

The lady looked at me "Sweetie you have such beautiful hair are you sure you want to chop it off?"

I looked at her with a stern look "I'm sure." and with that she started cutting. 

_____

All I could do was stare at my new hair. It was all gone. I felt so happy for once. 

Moe grabbed her phone and typed 

Damn girl you be looking hot.

All I could do was laugh. "Well thanks Moe. Now for our second destination.

We started walking in a comfortable silence, not like Moe was going to talk. As we started to get closer and closer to our destination Morgan started to relize where we were going.

The Beach.

As we got down to the sand we found a good spot and just sat and watched the waves for a little bit. 

"I come to the beach to think. Kelley knows I love the beach but she doesn't know this is where I think. When I first came back I would sneak off in the middle of the night and got down to the beach and just sit for hours looking at the moon lit ocean." 

I looked over and saw she was just staring at the ocean. I was hoping she was listening so I kept talking. 

"I brought you here because I know something happened last night, and you looked terrified. I know you don't have to tell me, but I want you to know that I am her for you Morgan. I know what it feels like to be scared. It's okay to tell someone what you are thinking."

"I dreamed about Meghan." she said quietly. I looked at her shocked. 

"Then why did you look so teriffed when you woke up?"

"I-I dreamed that something horrific happened to her. I couldn't save her. All I could do was scream and scream and try to get to her, but it was like she couldn't hear me. When I finally got to her, she was just sitting there lifeless. All I could do was look at her dead body. All I thought to myself was I never got to say loved her."

The last sentence shocked me. I knew they had always danced around their feelings, but her saying that shocked me. Morgan looked at me almost as scared as she was last night.

"Morgan," I said getting her attention. "Moe you need to tell her. I see the way you guys look at each other. Hell the whole team sees the way y'all look at each other. You guys make eachother so happy. Sometimes you need to take the risk and go for it."

She looked at me and smiled. "How do you always know what to say?"

I laughed. " I don't. Sometimes words just come out of my mouth and I hope for the best. Why don't we start heading back to the hotel?" 

She nodded her head, and we both stood up. As we begin walking I added, "If you still don't want to talk to anyone, that's fine, but honestly they were worried about you this morning. And one last thing." she stopped and looked at me. "I will always have your back Moe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys here's an update I y'all enjoyed it. Ashlyn chopped her hair, and Moe confessed her love. 
> 
> Tell me how y'all liked it.
> 
> Peace & Love guys.


	19. Chapter eighteen

As me and Morgan got back to the hotel it was dinner time, so we just decided to go straight into the dinning hall. 

As we walked in, Cujo greeted me, and then "What the fuck did you do to your hair!" came outta someone mouth.

I laugh as Kelley and Carli come up to me. Kelley looked at me with this weirdish 'it looks amazing but I could kill you' look. "Why did you cut your hair? I mean like damn you be looking good, but why?"

"I mean I needed change. I really did. After everything that Happened over there I needed to be free of it. I loved my long hair, but I need to learn how to love something diffrent now, and I'm okay with it."

Kelley looked like she could combust with all the smiling she was doing, Finally all she did was hug me. As she was hugging me I saw Moe say something to Meghan, and then walk off with Meghan in tow.

_____

Morgan Pov

I saw Kelley gushing over Ashlyns hair and I knew it was now or never. I walked over to Meghan. "Hey can I talk to you outside?"

She looked at me concerned, but nodded her head, and walked out behind me.

As we walked outside I saw a bench and sat. I sat there for a minute trying to figure out how to say anything. 

"I'm sorry for not talking." She looked taken back at that statement. " It's okay you needed time from whatever happened, and that was your coping mechanism."

"That is where your wrong Kling. I should've talked to you. I wasn't talking to you because of you.

"Because of me?" she said, both voice and head. 

I got up and started to pace. "It's because I dreamed of you. I dreamed that something horrific happened to you. I couldn't save you. All I could do was scream and scream and try to get to you, but it was like you couldn't hear me. I finally when I got to you... You were just lying there lifeless. All I could do was look at your dead body. All I could think about was that I never got to tell you that I love you."

"Morgan I love you too." "No kling listen to me. I don't love you like the whole friendship thing. I mean I love you, like I want to smash my face into your face and kiss you kind of love you."

She looked at me trying to find words. I decided to keep talking. "You and me both know that we have been dancing around with feelings since I started playing on the national level. All I want to know is,  Do you love me to?"

She looked at me and then started laughing. I don't mean like giggling, I mean like full on Meghan Klingenberg laughing. "Yes Morgan Paige Brain I do love you! I have loved you since the moment I saw you. You have been my partner in crime, and have made me laugh, and smile so hard. So to answer your question one more time yes I do love you, and this is how I'll prove it."

Before I knew what was going on, megahn was standing up and her lips were pressed against mine. All I could do was smile and melt into the kiss. 

We broke apart and leaned our heads together and she quietly said,  "So it's my turn to ask a question. Will you be my girlfriend?" I laughed as I said yes. 

I looked at her. "We need to go Inside before someone thinks we got murdered. 

"You are so right." she said as she grabbed my hand and started walking back inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all like it. Please leave comments :)


	20. Chapter nineteen

I walked into Jill's room, hoping that she would listen to my proposal.

"Jill?," I asked knocking on her door. 

She looked at me and smiled. "Come in Ashlyn. What can I do for you today?" 

"I want to join the team again"  Jill coughed and looked at me like I was crazy. " Um what?" 

"You heard me I want to join the team again. I'm caught up on all the stuff you do. Hope is in trouble at the moment. I know everything so let me be back on it."

"No." I looked at her like she grew two heads. "What do you mean no?"

"You heard me." she said getting up from her desk. "You know damn well that the federation would not allow you to play!"

"Then we would have to prove them wrong! I'm stronger than I was before I left. The goal keeper coachs have been helping with with my technique. I can do this! I want to prove them wrong..I want to show them that even though I walked away from something to accomplish something else I can still come back, and come back even stronger."

Jill paused for a minute. "Okay. You'll start on Friday. You can't tell anyone,  I want it to be a surprise for the team the media and especially the federation."

"Jill you are the best!" I ran to her and gave her a huge hug. She looked and me and laughed "anytime."

_____

Today was the day. Today was the day I was going to play my first game in over 5 years. The only other player that knew what was happening was Alyssa, because she was gonna fake being injured so I would be able to play. 

Announcer 

Hello and welcome to the USWNT Vs Puerto Rico. Today's line up is 

Alex Morgan  
Crystal Dunn  
Carli Lloyd  
Morgan Brian  
Tobin Heath  
Allie Long  
Kelley O'Hara  
Ali Kreiger  
Becky Sauerbrunn  
Julie Johnson  
Meghan klingenberg 

Alyssa Naeher was going to play tonight, but we just got word that she got injured during warm-ups and will not play tonight.  

We have not gotten word on who is taking her place tonight, but here comes the girl walking out of the tunnel.

It looks like the US still have no golie in sight. Who is going to be replacing Alyssa tonight? 

Oh look Someone coming out of the tunnel! WAIT! It can't be, but it is! It's Ashlyn Harris the girl who walked away 5 years ago to join the army.

As I stepped onto the pitch all my eyes could do was scan the crowd and see everyone in surprise that I was going to be playing again. 

The girls had shocked expressions and huge smiles on their faces, and clapped as I walked to stand with them in the line. 

Soon the national anthem played and then it was game time.

_____

We won with a 1-0 score. I forgot how hard it was, and I ended up making couple mistakes and having to make some really hard saves. 

As I got dressed and came out of the locker room I saw Jill with 2 people from the soccer federation. Jill gave me a 'just come with us' look. Next thing I know I am sitting up in one of the press boxes.

"Ashlyn do you know why you are here?" the blonde lady asked. "Probably because I played in the game and I had a shut out."

"You are very correct," the man said looking stright at Jill. 

Before he could say anything to her I stepped in. "Woah woah woah. Do not be blaming this on Jill. She told me no in the first place, but I insisted on it. She told me no because she knows you would never let me play again. But this is her team and she let me play. Not because I came home from Iraq and I deserve to be treated special, but because when I came back I told Jill I wanted to try and be on this team again. I have practiced and practiced and practiced with this team to get me back to where I am today. I've had no special treatment I have been treated like the team. So if you decide that I shouldn't play then tell me, but Jill should not be getting in trouble for this." 

The two people looked at me with shocked expressions. Until finally the blonde lady spoke. "It seems like you have a special bond with the team and Jill. We are going to let you stay on this team, but if you or Jill pull another stunt like you did tonight both of your jobs will be on the line."

"Thank you. Thank you so much." I said shaking the man and the woman hand.

As soon as the left me and Jill looked at Eachother and began to laugh. We walked out of the room and started on our way to the bus for a fun night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey guys I'm back!  Sorry I've been MIA for awhile. I was having some health issues, but everything is fine now. 
> 
> So I hope everyone likes this chapter. Tell me if ya did


	21. Chapter twenty

When me and Jill walked on to the bus everyone started yelling and cheering. I slowly made my way down the aisle to my seat. Of course I ended up with a couple of people slapping my butt *cough cough* Pinoe.

As I sat down next to Kelley. She grabbed my hand, and layed down her head on my shoulder. "What not even a kiss" I said smirking. 

Cujo took that as a challenge and jumped onto me and started licking my face. "At least someone loves me." I said as I scratched behind Cujo's ears and looked at Kelley. 

"Oh come here you big baby." she said as she pulled me into a kiss. 

We broke apart as we heard Pinoe wolf whistle. "Get a room y'all two!" 

"At least I'm getting some!" I yelled to Megan as the whole team laughed. 

Abby stood up at the front of the bus. "Okay so to celebrate Ashlyn being back on the team Jill has decided to let us go clubbing for a couple of hours. BUT the rules are.   
1.No hooking up with any strangers   
2\. The bus will be here at midnight make sure you are outside before then.  
3\. Have fun but be safe.  
Everyone got that?"

"Yes" the bus coursed.

_____

10 mintues later we got to the club. Everyone gets off the bus. The time I got inside Meghan had already gotten everybody a shot and finally gave me one as well. 

"This is for Ashlyn. Thanks for joining us again! On the count of three everybody drink. 1, 2, 3!"

Everybody drowned the shot down. Some people making faces others already looking for another shot. 

I knew I couldn't drink much tonight or I would be able to sleep. 

_____

I had been sitting with Carli and Christie most of the night with Cujo under the table. 

I looked around, seeing everyone having a good time, when I noticed a guy talking to Kelley, and lightly stroking her face. She slowly took a step back.

I turned to Chistie. "Is it me or does Kelley look really uncomfortable." 

"I would say she looks a bit on uncomfortable." 

That was enough for me. I got up from my seat and walked over to the bar.

"Hey Kell. How are you?" I asked as I approached the bar. 

"Were good. We were just talking." the guy said. 

"Well it's great that I wasn't talking to you dude." 

"Well I was talking to this beautiful girl, so if you would excuse me I would like to get back to it." the guy said smirking, stroking Kelley's face again. 

I saw her tense up. "I would gladly ask you to leave because I was fixing to ask MY girlfriend if she would like to day."

"Ahhh I get it now." the guy said getting closer to me. "Your a Dyke and she the whore."

"Hey there is no reason to go there dude." I grabbed Kelley's hand and started walking towards the table. 

"She probably just haven't had enough dick in her mouth!" 

I pushed Kelley to the table and turned around to the guy. "There is no need to say that!" I said my voice slowly raising. As I turned to walk away he turned me around and punched me. 

"I'm not going to have a girl yell at me." 

"Well you're not going to like it either when a girl beats your ass." I said as I charged towards him. I caught him off guard as I straddled him and got a good right hook on him. 

All I could see was red as I kept punching him. Next thing I knew I was being lifted off of him. 

All of a sudden I was back over seas. 

_____

Abby POV 

As I lifted Ashlyn off the guy she started struggling, and screaming, "I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me!  I'm sorry I won't do it again!"

By this point she has gotten the attention of the whole club. I nodded over at Kelley and she helped me get Ashlyn out of the club. 

She was still crying and screaming. I sat her against the wall, and kelley slowly walked over to her unsure what to do. 

She slowly bent down and took Ashlyns face into her hands. "Ashy it's me. It's Kelley you're okay I promise you. You are safe in the United States. Everything is gonna be alright. She slowly kept stroking her face, saying sweet nothings.

_____

Ashlyn Pov

One of the men held my arms behind my back and held me up as the other man punched me repeatedly in my stomach and face. 

"Please stop." I said weakly. "I promise I won't try to run. I'm sorry."

"You're not sorry at all. All you do is lie and lie and lie. So not we aren't going to stop."

They continue to punch me until I was coughing up blood then all of the sudden I was gone.

I looked up and saw Kelley looking scared. "I'm so sorry." I told her as I hung my head.

She wrapped me in a hug and kept repeating, "It's okay."

Soon the bus arrived and no one said a word. I sat up front next to Dawn. All I could do was think how much I scared Kelley...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I hope y'all liked it. Maybe give me suggestions of what I should write.


	22. Chapter twenty-one

I sent a group chat to the people I needed to talk to. Carli, Abby, Christie, Alyssa, and Jill. 

Ashlyn ~ can we meet in Jill's room when we get back. I need to talk.

As I sent that I prepared what was I going to say to them. 

_____

As we got back to the hotel I stayed backed and let everyone go first. Kelley walked over to me and put her hand on my chest. 

"You coming up to the room babe?"

"yeah I am in a little bit. Jill, and Carli want me to go up and talk to them for a little bit." I told her as I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Okay babe. I just want to make sure your okay from what all has happened night." 

"I'm fine baby I promise. I'll be up there in a little bit. Can you just please take Cujo to the room?" I said as I kissed her cheek.

"yes." she said as she grabbed Cujo and started walking to the room. 

I waited for the next elevator and made my way to the 4th floor. As I got to the room before I could knock Abby had the door open, and I was walking in. 

I sat on the bed closet to the window and the farthest from Alyssa. She and Jill are the only two people in the room that doesn't know what happened. 

Abby started it out. "What happened tonight after I grabbed you?" 

I couldn't stand looking at Alyssa she deserved to know the whole story, but I was scared to tell her. 

"It was a flash back.. When you grabbed me like that it reminded me of how the man held me as the other man punched me." 

"wait what men?" Alyssa asked confused.

I looked over at Christie who gave me a reassuring nod. "You and Jill are the only people in this room who don't know what happened to me over there." 

Alyssa looked like as though she had been punched, and for some reason Jill looked over at me like she understood. 

"What happened over there, and why am I one of the only people who don't know?" Alyssa asked in the quietest voice.

I walked over to her and sat down next to her, and slowly started to speak. "because I was scared to tell you. You were already going through so much, and I didn't want to add to it."

I breathed and started to tell the story. "I was captured for 6 months over there. I was captured because I has been looking for these men's bombs. While I was captured, they would beat me, and torture me, and even rape me, and when I was finally found I got sent to medical and thats How I was sent back 3 months early.."

I saw her face of pure shock. I got her to lay down so I could slowly smooth out her hair. "What happened tonight scared me."

Jill looked at wanting to here my side. "What exactly happened tonight Ashlyn?" 

I took a breath. "I Honeslty don't know. I saw this guy. I mean i would say man, but he is far from one. Besides the point he was stroking Kelley's face and she looked uncomfortable, and well I am bad at social movements so I asked Cap for a second opinion. She told me she did look uncomfortable, and so I went to go help her. I asked how she was doing, the guy answered, and then he stroked her face again. I told him I was coming to ask if she wanted to dance. He ended up calling me a Dyke and her a whore, and I told him there was no need for that. I took Kelley's hand and started walking towards the table. He then screamed she probably just haven't had enough dick in her Mouth. I pushed Kelley towards the table and turned around and yelled there was no need for that, and as I went to go walk away he turned me around and punched me in the face, and said I'm going to have a girl yell at me. I ended up telling him he wasn't going to like it either when a girl beats his ass. That's when he got caught off guard I got a good right hook on him. He fell and then all I saw was red, until Abby pulled me off. When she pulled me off that is when I had the flashback.."

Jill looked at me with wonder in her eyes, but it was Carli that spoke up. "You need to talk to someone Ashlyn. You need to talk to a professional."

All I could do was laugh. "I'm fine, all it is, is some flashbacks."

She looked at me serious. "You have them in your sleep. I saw how terrified you looked. That first night. I almost broke down. Seeing you so hurt, and me not being able to do anything was heart wrenching."

Next it was Christie who spoke up. "How many times do you have these nightmares and wake up a night?"

"mostly if I have one I won't go back to sleep the rest of the night. If I'm at Kelley's house I will walk down to the beach and just sit there and watch the sun go up."

"You know that isn't healthly right?" she said looking at me.

I looked down defeated. "Maybe I do need to talk to someone..." 

Jill came up to me and squated to meet me eye to eye. "I can call one of my friends who is a therapist for things like this. She can talk to you and help you."

I didn't realize I was crying until Alyssa whipped a tear from my face. "Thank you, all of you."

"Anytime shark girl," Abby said. "No why don't you go to your room, talk to Kelley and get to sleep. We still got practice in the morning."

All I could do was roll my eyes. "Okay."  
I got up and made my way to the door,  to tell Kelley what I was planning on doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot how much I like to write. Please give me suggestions of what I should write, and if you haven't please leave so kudos!
> 
> Thanks guys!!


	23. Chapter twenty-two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley talks to Rylie and Reece

It's been 2 days and I have yet to tell Kelley about the therapist I might go see. It mostly got pushed back because Christies kids came in yesterday, and Kelley has practically turned into a little kid.

_____

Kelley pov

I was playing with Reece and her stuffed animals in the dinning hall, when she just kinda stopped and curiously looked at me.

"What are those?" she asked pointing at me. "What are you talking about?" kinda confused at her broad question. 

"Those." she stated, and she reached over and touched my wrist. I looked down at them, and realized that you could visibly see my scars on my wrist. I knew I had to come up with something, and she was small, so I need to make sure that I put it a way she understood.

"Well I can tell you, but I need Rylie over here also so she can also know." Reece ran off and soon her and Rylie were sitting in front of me.

"Why did Reece come get me aunt Kelley?" asked curious. "Well Reece wanted to know what these lines on my wrist were, so I decided that I would tell both of you guys at the same time."

"okay." she said slowly nodding her head.

I looked down and started hopefully a good explanation. "Well I guess you could call them battle scars."

"battle scars?" Rylie asked confused. 

"Yeah battle scars. You remember when aunt Ashlyn went away for a long time?" both of there little heads nodded. "Well you see when she left I got really sad."

"We were all sad aunt Kelley!" Reece pronounced loudly. I patted her leg and started up again. "Yeah I know everyone was sad, but I was sadder than most. Me and aunt Ashlyn were really close, and when she left it felt like she took my heart with me."

I looked up for a minute and made sure that the girls were following along, but among that I saw about a dozen bigger eyes looking at me explaining my scars. 

"Like I said after she left I felt like she took my heart with her. After that I started doing things that were bad for my body."

"Like what? " Reece asked curiously "You look fine right now." 

"well I've gotten better since then. What happened was I started not to eat, and when you don't eat your body starts to get really tired, and makes you not want to do anything. And you how some big kids drink big kid drinks?"

"yesss" both of them replying at the same time. 

"Well I started drink alot of Big kids drinks. One after another until I would just lay on my couch."

"Aunt Kelley what are those on your wrist?" Reece asked impatiently. "You have yet to tell us."

Laughing I responded, "I'm getting there munchkin. When I figured out that drinking those big kids drinks, and not eatting weren't helping be happy I decided to hurt myself. I would hurt myself on purpose to hopefully make me feel better."

"did it make you feel better?" Rylie asked. 

"for a little but yes, but then I would feel sad again until I did it again. I'm getting better though because aunt Carli, aunt Ashlyn, your mommy, and the rest of the team is helping me."

I pulled up my shorts, and showed them more of my scars. "If any one of you guys every feel sad or angry I want you to tell someone. I never want to see either one of you with scars like this. I have scars like this because I was scared to talk to your mommy, or one of your aunts. One more thing if you ever see someone with scars like this, I abousloutly do not want to see or hear about one of you judging them, because you have no clue what they are going through. Do you guys understand me?"

"yes aunt Kelley." they both replied. The next thing I knew I was wrapped up into a hug made by two little girls. "I love you" I whispered into their ears. "we love you too aunt Kelley."

"Now girls why don't you go play, I think you mommy wants to talk to me."

The girls ran off, and I made it to the little group of people who decided to eavesdrop on the conversation. 

"little hypercrites making sure the little tiny people don't over hear conversations, and here y'all are doing it yourself!" I stated chuckling.

Abby looked over, "Well we had to make sure that you weren't helping them take over the world or in this case the chocolate bowl." 

"what!" I gasped. "I would never in the world do that."

"Keep dreaming Squrrel," Ashlyn replied while sticking out her tounge.

Christie decided to pipe up. "If you girls would mind I would like to talk to Kelley in privite for a minute." 

The girls left and the next thing I knew me and Christie were standing in a corner of the dinning hall alone.

"You didn't have to tell them the truth," she started.

"I had to. I needed to. I wanted to let them know that it's okay to talk to somebody if they are angry or sad. They needed to know that what I did they never need to do. They needed to know that there are so many more diffrent ways to deal with something, then what I did. I love them with all my heart, and I never want to see them go through what I did."

Christie rubbed my arms. "I also see way they look at you. They are in awe of you. They love you so much Kelley. I'm really happy you told them, because I hope if they never listen to anybody that they will listen to you. And maybe one day if something like what happened to you, happens to them, they will come to one of us for help. Until then we just have to keep steering them in the right direction."

All I could do was smile. I love hearing that the girls looked up to me the most. 

I hugged Christie. As we broke apart we heard Jill saying that lunch was here so we needed to go get it. 

All I could think was if I can help at least one person in my life I will be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry I never posted earlier. I didn't know what I wanted to do, and this kinda came to mind. I hope y'all enjoyed it. 
> 
> I put Kelley's Pov in there and even added Rylie and Reece.
> 
> remember I am always up for suggestions for this story.
> 
> Thanks guys!


	24. Chapter twenty-three

Ashlyn's Pov

"Go on a date with me." I heard the voice laying bedside me. "Kell it's 2 in the morning I'm not going on a date with you right now." 

"Well not right now dummy," she said laughing. "I meant tonight. We have a night off, and I both know that we need to get away from the team for a little bit."

I rolled over on my side and faced Kelley. "Honestly that sounds amazing.  We need some time together, and I acutally need to talk to you about something."

"Why can't you tell me now?" Kelley shot back fast.

"Because this needs to be talked about when we are fully dressed and it's not 2 in the morning. With that being said good night love sleep well."

With that I put an end to the conversation and snuggled up to Kelley, and slowly drifted to sleep. 

_____

My eyes slowly drifted open, and I looked at my phone. 

5am

Mother of God I was only asleep for 3 hours.. I knew I wasn't going to get anymore sleep and I saw Cujo looking up at me and decided jogging would be a good idea. 

I got up and grabbed a random pair of sweats, and then grabbed my army hoodie off the chair, and slowly walked over to Cujo.

"You wanna go out buddy?" 

With hearing this he perks up waiting for me to get his harness. 

I strapped him in, and then we left the room as quietly as we could. 

We made it down to the lobby when I heard someone clear their throat. I turned around and it was no other than Becky Sauerbrunn.

"Oh hey becks you're up early." I said smiling sweetly at her.  "I could say the same for you,"  she said as she walked over to me. "What has got you up so early?"

"Well now I could ask you the same thing." I said looking at her pointedly. "I just woke up and knew I was not going to be able to go back to sleep, so me and Cujo were decided to go on a tour of the city at 5am. So what about you? Why are you up?"

Becky looked up at me looking to see if I was telling the truth or not. "Well my alarm usually goes off at 6, but this morning I kinda wanted to watch the sun rise while I drank coffee, and enjoyed a good book."

"Well you are more than welcome to join me and Cujo into our walk." 

"I would love to." Becky said smiling as she got up and adjusted her jacket.

We walked for a little bit in silence until we reached a park and we saw a bench over looking a pond. 

"It's so peaceful out here isn't it?" I asked Becky as I looked out onto the pond. 

"It really is." 

I turned to Becky. "Becky I'm scared.." 

She looked at me confused. "Scared?  Scared of what?" 

"Of telling Kelley about me going to see a therapist. I'm scared that she not going to look at me the same once she finds out that I'm not okay." 

I looked down at my hands and Becky slowly put hers on top of mine. " Ashlyn listen she knows you are broken, and she knows that she is broken. You guys are fixing each other. She will understand that she can't help you 100% and that you do need professional help. What you went through out there was crazy, and anyone who went through it probably does need to go see someone."

I looked up at her for the first time since she started talking and saw true compassion in her eyes. "Thank you Becky for everything." 

"anytime kiddo. Now how about we start heading back so we can eat."

"sounds like a deal."

Me and Becky started walking and all I could think about is that maybe everything will be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I'm alive! I know I havent posted in almost a month. This is been sitting in the drafts for about a good week. I know this chapter wasn't the best it was barely 600 words. But hopefully I'll start updating more regularly. I just wanted to let y'all know I'm a senior in high school so I'm busy but I'm trying. I love this story and I just want it to be good. 
> 
> Thank you guys so much for reading this story it means a ton!


	25. Chapter twenty-four

Later that afternoon I found Kelley sitting near the pool with Alex and Megan.

"Be ready by 6," I said as I stood next to her.

"Why?" she asked highly confused.

"For our date. You told me last night you wanted to go on one, and well today we have a day off so simply we're going on a date."

She looked at me in disbelief at first, and then started to smile. "Okay. Yeah I'll be ready by 6. I'll meet you in the lobby."

"Great!" I yelled as I started to run towards the door to the hotel to get everything planned out.

_____

It was 5:55 and I was putting the final touches on my outfit. A tan-ish short sleeve shirt with a bownish pants.

I looked in the mirror and fixed my hair one more time, took a big breath and opened up the door.

I got to the elevator and saw the Pinoe was also waiting. "What up megan?"

"Oh you know not going on a date." She said pouting.

The elevator dinged and we both walked in.

Laughing "Well if I wasn't taken, I would have asked you."

Gasping sarcastically " AWWW thank you!"

A few moments later the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened. We both stepped out and right before her and I went our separate ways she whispered in my ear. "Y'all are great together." Before I could reply she was walking off.

I shook my head and walked towards the front door to see if Kel was already there or not.

What I saw, didn't make me disappointed at all.

Kelley stood by the door facing outside in this maroon crop top,black cardigan and a pair of black pants with some nice pair of wedges.

I walked towards her and slowly wrap my arms around her and say, "looking beautiful as always I see."

She turned around and smiled sweetly. "Wish I could say the same."

All I could do was roll my eyes and laugh. I grabbed her hand and started to make our way outside.

We were walking for a few minutes in comfortable silence when Kelley broke it. "So where are we going?"

"Well I've heard there is this really cool meat market where you can take people that you don't like can have them permanently removed."

She stopped walking all of a sudden and just started at me like she had no clue who I was or what I was talking about.

All I could do was just start laughing. "Oh my God Kelley I wouldn't take you there! But honestly you should've seen your face. No we are going to this burger place that I heard had the burgers in town."

She walked up to me and smacked me and continued to walk. "You asshole let's go. I am hungry."

I shook my head and continued to walk.

_____

We finished our burgers and started walking around again.

"Kelley, can I take you to one more place?" I asked seriously.

She nodded her head and started following me.

We walked for a few minutes and ended up at a bench at the hotel garden.

We both sat down and I looked at her.

"Ashlyn can you please say something?" She asked nervously.

"I'm going to see a therapist."

"What?" She asked taken back.

"I'm going to see a therapist. I'm tired of all these flashbacks and I'm tired of not sleeping. I know everyone is here for me, but I need to talk to a professional."

She walked towards me and wrapped her arms around my waist, and spoke softly into my chest. "I support you. You know that. I am glad that you realised that you need help. You guys helped me through my shit, and we tired to help you but your situation is a little more difficult. I love you so much and I want you to see you happy."

She looked up at me as she finished and kissed me softly. We broke apart and I layed my lips on her hair, and whispered,

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. I know been a long while I'm sorry. I hope this was good
> 
> Please give me suggestions, I always like ideas!


	26. Chapter twenty-five

And that is exactly what happned a week later.

I was sitting in a therapy office that Whitney had suggested for me.

Kelley offered to come with me, but I told her I was okay. In honestly though I knew I needed to do this alone for my own sanity.

I sat there in the waiting room for a good fifteen minutes when a woman called me back. 

I followed her through the hallway to a door at the end. She closed the door and then proceeded to shake my hand.

We both sat down and she smiled sweetly. "My name Dr.Armstrong, but please call me Vera."

I nodded towards her. "My name is Ashlyn, but you probably already knew that."

She laughed and started to speak. "I did, but it is nice to meet you Ashlyn. I like it when my patients actually introduce themselves instead of them thinking I've looked into their whole file." 

She looked down at the paper and then looked up at me and continued to talk. "Since we got the whole awkward introduction out of the way. Why did you decide you wanted to come and see me?"

I took a deep breath, and thought how I wanted to peice this together. "Um.. well I have thought about seeing a therapist for awhile, but last week I told my girlfriend I was going to see one and I knew then I actually had to come see one, and my friend Whitney suggest you and well here I am."

"You said that you thought about it for awhile. Why didn't you decide to see one earlier?"

I didn't know how to answer it. Why didn't I ever go earlier?

"I suppose I was scared."

"Scared?"

"Scared of being judged for what happened over there. I know I won't be judged because I have told my friends and my girlfriend about most of it, but scared that it will get out to the public and everyone else will judge me."

"Did your friends or girlfriend judge you when you told them?" She said looking straight at me.

I shook my head, thinking about when I told them. "No, I don't think they did, Not even Kelley.."

"Kelley?" She asked very curious.

"Yeah she is my girlfriend."

"How did she handle you being deployed?"

"We just recently got together, but had been dancing around out feelings before I left."

All I could do was think back to almost a year ago. "But she didn't handle it well at all.. She created a very destructive nature while I was gone. She ended up with a slight eating disorder, a addiction to alcohol and energy drinks, had really bad insomnia and really just ate pizza when she wasn't in national team camp and was harming herself somewhat."

"Did she ever receive professional help at all?"

"Not really I guess. I mean our fitness person Dawn did contact some doctors to get their opinion on the situation, and how to handle it, but that was about it."

Dr.Armstrong wrote some notes down in here notebook and then looked back at me 

"Do you ever regret leaving Kelley when you joined the military.

All I could do was sit and stare at the wall.

Did I regret leaving Kelley?


	27. Chapter twenty-six

_ Did I regret leaving Kelley? _

 

“I mean in some parts yes and other parts no.”

 

“What do you mean about part yes and part no?” she asked quizfully.

 

“I don’t regret leaving her because I was finally doing something that I wanted to do with my life. But at the same time I regret leaving her so much because of what she turned into.”

 

“What did she turn into?”

 

I huffed, “you already know what happened.”

 

She looked at me with a pointed eye. “I know, but tell me again just in case I missed something the first time.”

 

I looked at her for a moment and just sighed and began talking again. “She turned herself into this destructive person. She practically turned into an alcoholic, and ended up with an eating disorder because of ME. She ended up self-harming herself and now has scars on her body because she couldn’t cope with me being gone. She did all those things because of me.”

 

I looked up and saw her writing something on her notepad and then she focused her eyes on mine. “One last question. Did anyone know what she was doing to herself before you found out?”

 

I sighed and nodded my head. “The veterans of the team all noticed that she had cut back on eating and was working herself hundred times harder in practice then she did before. They noticed that she would wear long sleeve shirts a lot and was losing a little weight. It was the captain at the time who finally saw the little red cuts running her along her wrist as fist pumped.”

 

She nodded her head and continued writing in that damn notepad.

 

“Thank you for sharing with me today Ashlyn. I think next Wednesday at the same time will be good?”

 

I nodded my head and gave her a handshake before leaving the office and getting into the car.

 

I drove back to the hotel and just sat into the parking lot for a few minutes collecting my thoughts. I had just literally spilled my guts to a lady I barely knew and was willing to actually go back? 

  
  


I walked into the hotel and saw Becky sitting in the lounge like I had saw her a few days prior. “Hey Becky,” I said as I sat across from her.

 

“Hey,” she said. “How did everything go?”

 

I half smiled at her question. “It actually kinda went okay. She ended up getting some stuff out of me that I didn’t even know was buried inside of me.”

 

She looked at me and nodded. “That’s good, and yeah they have like this weird magical power that can get most people to tell them anything.”

 

“Yeah I am actually going back next week.”

 

Becky took a sip of her coffee, and then smiled at me. “I am glad you have found someone that you can talk to about everything that is and has gone on. Do you think Kelley could maybe benefit from talking to someone about you being gone, and everything?”

 

I thought for a minute. “Maybe she would Becky. It would probably take more convincing than just me. But I will talk to her and see.”

 

I stood up from my spot and smiled at Becky. “ I’ll see you at dinner?”

 

She nodded her head, and decided that I should go up to Christie’s and Carli’s room before I go and talk to kelley.

 

_____

 

I got up to their door and knocked cautiously not knowing if they were doing something.

 

A few seconds later Christie opened up the door with a smile. “Hey Ashlyn come on in.”

 

She opened the door all the way and let me in. I spotted a chair at the end of the room and decided to make myself comfortable in it. 

 

Christie came and gave me a glass of water and then sat down on her bed. “How was everything today?”

 

I  laughed seeing her being all motherly like she always was. “It was actually good to be able to talk to someone who hasn’t known me for years, but yet can be able to get me to say something I thought I would never say.

 

Carli nodded her head. “That’s good that you are able to talk to someone very honestly, but I know you aren’t just here to gossip about your therapy session. What’s up?”

Damn maybe Carli did know me better than I thought. “Becky and I were talking about me going to therapy and she was like, Do you think Kelley would ever go? And it really had me thinking sooo I came here.

 

I saw both of them kind of processing it but kind of nodding their heads. It was Carli who spoke up first.”So you want our advice to see if you should talk to Kelley into going to therapy?”

 

“And Bingo was his name-o”

 

Christie tried to stiffen her laugh at my childish antics, while Carli had a nice eye roll going. 

 

“I think her seeing someone would probably help her in the long run.” Christie started out. “With everything that she has done to her body and all the emotional stuff that happened. She needs someone that she can vent to that isn’t one of us. There is things that I feel like the refuses to tell us because of fear of judgment.”

 

“So you guys think I should talk to her and try and convince her that she would benefit from going to a therapist?”

 

“And Bingo was his name-o” Carli said mocking me.

 

“Well thanks for the advice,” I said chuckling. 

 

I walked out the door towards mine and Kelley’s just hoping this conversation would go better in real life than it was currently going down in my head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN FOREVER!!! 
> 
> I hope ya'll enjoyed this. I tried. I wanted to try and make this really good... well as good as I could at 3am


End file.
